this past week while vacationing at my in-laws deep in the woods of new england, I found myself:

reading exorbitant amounts of books,

hiking in their woods that really is just their backyard,

eating ridiculous amounts of delicious foods my mother in law is so good at making,

and then closing out the night with a family movie because the range of people watching the TV at night ranges from 7 to 70!

my favorite movie from this trip?

hands down 'Rise of the Guardians'.  it's not only funny and well written and seriously well cast (hello, alec baldwin, hugh jackman, jude law and chris pine) but it totally got me in the feels with its deeper life message asking: what's your center?

with looking to say goodbye to 2018 and then in-turn looking to welcome a crisp clean new year, the deeper message of the movie was definitely well timed coinciding with the deeper than normal thoughts I've been chewing on as of late.

so what is my center?

for north (or santa) it was his ability to see wonder in the world and to cultivate it in others - mainly children.

for jack frost *spoiler alert* it was his ability to have and make fun for others to enjoy. 

asking what my center is similar to the popular thing in choosing "my word" for 2019. for this year, my word that seems to echo over and over again in my heart seems to be the word FOCUS.

I have a large opportunity or thing I feel like I'm supposed to do that coincides with the deeper thoughts I've been chewing on that God might have for me this year and I feel like I've heard Him audibly saying to me to start the large thing He has for me by doing the small things in my life well. And to big picture to FOCUS.

to focus on what the main thing is...which means continuing with wrestling with what I feel like God is laying in my heart to BE the main things.

so far solid answers to that are:

my husband,

my kids,

and my health.

fairly typical, but also I've been dwelling deeply on His creativity and what God wants the main thing for me to be with the talents He's entrusted to me with. I'll post more about that after I'm done chewing a little bit longer on those thoughts. :)  but also to answer in part, to FOCUS on doing the small things well. that is a simple thing to declare but large for me in practice. what small things?

small things like:

daily time worshipping + being thankful for Jesus. which can look different each day: but intentional time with Him through His Word/ His people/ His creation/ His music... you name it, daily.  I 100% know I will be unfit to do ANY of the things He has for me if i'm not walking and dwelling with Him. and even more, I've heard His voice louder this past month than in the past year and I'm certain that it's because I've chosen to slow my roll and dwell in and with Him.

small things like: eating better consistently and drinking more from my cute but dreaded hydro flask. it's gotten to the point that my daughter has been silently filling it and placing it next to my right hand with a slightly shaded look at me in an effort to try and encourage me to drink water because she knows it's good for me. her slightly less than obvious hint has been taken and now I'm resolved to change.

small things like working out consistently. I loved, loved, loved getting to do small workouts with lindsey floyd (and in turn, my friend emily because it was on instagram live!) the week before christmas and then this week in taking long long hikes/walks throughout the cold woods of new england. but in working out, I've noticed more clear headed thinking. yes, I think God is showing up in my thoughts, but I also think it has to do with daily physical activity as well.

small things like: being intentional with a few friendships I know I need to invest in. I'm not a chaser in friendships. I never have been. but I know I need to with a few friends... honestly for my own well being. and for growing my tribe. the older I get the more I know I need a tribe...a tribe of people who are honest with me and sharpen me. a tribe of people who celebrate with me and not like a "hey, cool for you but I'm low-key jealous" tribe but people who celebrate the way I celebrate when something good happens for people I love. I've got a few of these but I know I need to invest more. ♡.

small things to most, but focusing on doing them well. so goodbye to a STEADFAST 2018. I see you, 2019. I am committing to focus. I am committing to caring about the small things and striving to excel at them.

and finally because I like them. my best nine from 2018:

1. my styled shoot from Showit United. I'm so thankful for this conference and the people who put it on. They encourage, they love and the push me to be a better creative. and the five models are five who encourage me by simply being themselves.

2. sierra. an afternoon for playing with her beauty and photographing it, even though it was 110 degrees outside in the arizona summer heat. 😂

3. my two. #theboywhobringsmejoy + #maddiejessie. the older I get the more I know they are less mine and more only entrusted to me for a such a short time. I love them. I love who they are and Who they are continuing to strive to chase. to say I love them seems so so small to the depth that I feel about them when I say it. my two. ♡.

4. halloween. the one day a year it is socially acceptable to paint your face and go out in public. we need more of those days, in my opinion. 😂

5. DJ + danielle. two friends (along with their family) who have found a permanent place in our hearts for life. I love them. I love their hearts for Jesus. I love their sarcastic humor and ability to laugh and laugh often. I love their work ethic. I love the way they do the hard work of good parenting. I love their transparency. I love their friendship. I love them. :)

6. gunner. it hasn't even been a year yet, but I stupidly looove this dog. I say stupidly because until we got him, I didn't know it was possible to love an animal the way I do and often prior to gunner made fun of others who loved their animal the way I love him. so yes, I now unashamedly love my dog. a stupid amount of love. ;)

7. last year's showit united shoot. it was a beginning to something I decided I wanted to do more of: teach + encourage. and the girl allllll the way in the right encourages me in that resolve. this was a momentous and seriously encouraging day. :)

8. gunner at 8 weeks. I'm not sure there is anything (babies included, I know - shameful to say) as cute as an 8 week old floppy fluffy carefree puppy.

9. jos. I love all my nieces and nephews. tremendously. but jos was the first. ♡. with her being the 1st, I've gotten to see a lot of her firsts watching her grow from a child to the woman she is today. and I love her. she graduated college this last semester and as captain of her soccer team. I'm just so proud of her.

so there you have it, my "best nine" of 2018. (although let's be honest, it's only best in instagram's eyes) there were so many other bests I could go on about. but some good moments nonetheless. 

I'm ready for 2019. ready for focus and ready to set my intentions. ♡.