me. (yes, I'm on the list...I think it's fair to say with this many crazy personalities inside of me - I get to be on the list.) :)one husband.two kids.five sisters/sisters-in-law.five brother/brother-in-law.four parents/parents-in-law.eleven nieces/nephews.a dozen or so close friends.thirty two good friends.twenty four small group girls.twenty or so pastoral staff that I'm closer with.four girls I'm mentoring.five worship team people.a horse trainer and football coach.two elementary teachers.seven neighborhood friends.one hundred and thirteen different kreatid clients.forty nine wedding vendors.forty eight-ish liberty market employees.a dozen-ish vendors at liberty market.that equals a lot of people that I am or have been in contact with on a semi-regular basis throughout 2012.people who I spend time with.people who I work with.people I laugh with.people I get to do life with.

I had an interesting couple of conversations this past first month of 2013.I told you I wanted to focus on my resolve this year...my resolve to "do better".but how do you keep your resolve to "do better" when you're pretty sure you look and feel like this?:

and let's just say my basement is like an inception basement...crazy on top of crazy on top of crazy. :)sometimes crazy can be a good thing in creative land...but not so much in regular life.so here's my honest Monday moment:I'm not super good at "doing better" with everyone on that list up there...especially since the first one is crazytown me. :)I'm a people pleaser. (I feel like that was typed with the dramatic flair of someone admitting their most deepest darkest secret.)If you're standing in front of me and asking something of me, chances are the old me would just say "YES!" to whatever it was that you asked of me.you need a pair of shoes? here have mine.you need a babysitter? sure, I can watch the duggar's entire clan with one hand tied behind my back.you have a need? I'd love to fill it.it's a good thing for you since you're the one asking, :)but it's not necessarily a good thing for me.I stress and stress about not being everything to everyone and then that leads me to burn-out and wanting nothing in the world so much as to be a hermit introvert that lives next door to Gollum.*enter my mom* :)

"jen, you have to set up regular working hours, regular family hours and time for yourself. you can't please everyone, so make sure that the people who are at the top of your list are at the top of your priorities."

you know what?she's right.the only way for me to "do better" this year is to do this.which is a scary thing for me to say out loud, because it means that some people are going to have to not be pleased with me 24/7.*gasp* :)but it's a step in the right direction I think.I can't be available to everyone 24/7 except for my husband and my kids.for a long time it was taught to me that that 24/7 availability if for everyone...and it kinda is in emergency situations...but not in everyday life...I'm not good if I'm spent 24/7.it means that I am going to have to try and let go of the people pleasing in me a bit.that means I am going to turn my phone off.that means I am going to have to wait til' the next day to return that email.I'm trying harder to make regular life a priority...keeping regular hours for business and placing regular life at a higher priority than it's been.it's important for my marriage, it's important for my kids, it's important for me.*enter my man* :)

"jen, you can only get done what you can get done in a day. and whatever is left over should not be stressed over...simply, put it on the next days list and do you best to get to it as soon as possible. if someone wants to unload their stress on you for not being a higher priority...rest easy knowing you can only do what you can do and chances are that person unloading their stress ultimately isn't worth you carrying their stress. I don't think anyone who knows you questions your work ethic or your heart...you're a hard worker and I'm proud of you. you can do this."

he is right about the list, of course, but it doesn't sit well with my obsessive need to get everything done.but burn-out is far too often the follow up to thinking I can do everything.I can't.I get sick physically.I get overwhelmed emotionally.translation = I'm no good for anything except being a professional downton abbey watcher smothered in pillows. :)*enter one of my all time closest friends* :)

"LOVE you. I think that you are beyond amazing and unique. I was listening to your music on spotify and I was kind of laughing at how eclectic it was. that's you Jen, you are colorful, eclectic, fun and passionate. I just want you to know that I'm not blowing sunshine where the sun doesn't shine...its true. you rock and sometimes people suck and don't understand what they have. I know you said you're fine...blah blah blah but I could hear it. love you and keep doing the work that was given to you...you rock what Jesus gives you."

she is right to tell me to find joy in the work that was given to me.she is a rare true friend.one who listens and one who hugs me and then exhorts me to get busy working.and not just working, rocking. :)and I love her for it.the journey is long.the journey is narrow.I love getting to do what has been given to me to do, especially with some of the people I love.it's time to focus.time to do better.in the time He's given me (with the flexible to-do list) :).and oh, yes...to rock what Jesus has given me to do.